Moments...

Other than the Bible, I fully believe that Dove Promise wrappers contain incredible nuggets of wisdom to help us along in day to day issues.  That belief always inspires me to gorge myself on Dove Promises whenever I have the opportunity.  After all, I DO want to glean as much wisdom from their shiny little wrappers as I can.  ha ha  On that note, I opened up a Dove Promise the other day and discovered the following bit of wisdom:

"Enjoy the Moment"

What a truth!  I tucked the truth away in my mind and went about my busy day.  Days passed...and last Saturday I was once again reminded of this life-changing truth.

     We had just enjoyed a fantastic piano recital featuring many of Gordon and Kristina Alley's piano students.  Folks from various churches in the Denver area came and we ended up with about 120 in attendance.  Each student did a phenomenal job.  As beautiful, God-honoring music resounded throughout the auditorium, I thought, "I'm SO glad I got the opportunity to be a part of this night."  After the recital, we all gathered in the Fellowship Hall for some delicious food and fellowship.  I helped serve drinks for a bit and then decided to grab some food.  When I went back into the kitchen, I noticed a young lady from our church named Shay sitting in the back eating.  I sat down with her and chatted.  A few minutes passed and Shay went to go say "goodbye" to some people.  As she was leaving, Gordon and Rachel Alley's little girl, Autumn, came and sat down next to me.  Autumn is adorable and absolutely irresistable.  She is most certainly a difficult little lady to ignore.  I turned to her and started talking.  She told me about her day and...I listened.  I teased her a bit and snatched a couple of her chips.  She laughed and said, "Do it again."  And so, I snatched a few more chips.  We laughed.  I got up and refilled her chip bowl.  Then, she decided she wanted to tell me all about the "Almond radio" that her family went to see...(in Autumn language that translates to:  "The Other Rodeo").  As she started telling her story, I noticed some folks out in the eating area that I wanted to  see before they had to leave.  Something within me hesitated for a split second..."Enjoy the Moment"...was the thought that came to mind.  I looked over at my little 3 year old friend.  She was excitedly telling me about her fun time at the rodeo...and my distracted mind was missing it.  The Holy Spirit sweetly scolded me, "Erica, THIS is the moment.  Enjoy THIS moment.  This moment will never happen again.  Don't miss it."  I focused back in on Autumn's story.  For that moment, Autumn became the most important person in the entire world and her story the most captivating story that I had ever heard.  We had a blast talking back and forth about the rodeo and munching on potato chips.  For those moments, we were seemingly the only two folks in the entire Fellowship Hall.  After a while, Autumn skipped off to go play with some of the other children.  I watched her go and thought, "Twenty years from now, that little lady will probably not remember our potato chip-munching rodeo talk in the Fellowship Hall kitchen, but I WILL remember and will cherish this moment forever."

     God used that sweet little girl to remind me how important...how fleeting these moments are.  I remembered the few sweet moments I was able to spend with Shay that night...the wonderful moments I spent playing a piano duet with my friend, Kaylee (a high school Senior who will be going off to Bible college this fall...THOSE were moments that most certainly could never be reclaimed) and the precious moments that I had spent going soul-winning with my Pastor's wife that morning.  Moments.  How many moments in my life had I lived on auto-pilot?  Or  how many moments had I just muddled through...distractedly worried about what I was going to be doing the next day?

"For what is your life?  It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away..."

Life...a vanishing vapour...a series of fleeting moments.

Take heed to the Dove...

"Enjoy the Moment" 

Help! I Can't Sleep!

Well, here it is....for the past many months....or, how ever long it has been now...I wake up a couple of times throughout the night.  I do not...cannot...seem to sleep through the night.  Sometimes, I wake up with this ravenous desire to sit and eat a block of cheese (I know it sounds crazy...but, if I'm ever going to visit your house, you may want to lock up the cheese before I get there).  Other times, I am extremely thirsty.  Lately, I just wake up for no apparent reason.  Hmmm.  For the last 5 days, I have just suddenly woken up at about 3 am (This morning, it was 3:15 am).  So, I usually glance at the time...pray a bit...and make myself go back to sleep for a couple more hours.  Then, when I DO wake up at my normal time, I am overwhelmingly exhausted and it feels as if I never even went to sleep.  Strange, right?  After so many months of this, I finally decided to call my mother, the nurse, and seek her advice.  I received 3 responses:

Response #1:  "Oh, honey, maybe your body has stopped making Melatonin.  You should get that checked out because a lack of Melatonin in your body might lead to cancer and then you could DIE.  Maybe I should send you some Melatonin."

Response #2:  "Or, you know, you do tend to have low blood sugar...maybe your blood sugar is crashing in the middle of the night.  You really should get THAT checked out because it could develop into diabetes which could lead to blindness and, if not treated, you could DIE from that."

Response #3:  "You know what, Erica, this is EXACTLY why you need to move down here to Georgia with your family.  We could figure this out TOGETHER...because that's what families do, they solve problems TOGETHER.  I think the Lord is trying to speak to you here."

Why, when asking my mother about ANYTHING, does she always end with, "You could die from that."  or  "That's why you need to move to Georgia."  Well, I certainly don't want to die prematurely...so, what am I to do?  Perhaps if I started taking Melatonin, treated myself for low blood sugar, AND moved to Georgia with my family, I would see a marked improvement in my sleep cycle....or NOT!!  LOL!!!!!  My purpose in sharing this?  Not sure...maybe I'm looking for more answers...maybe I'm hoping to feed my hypochondria...or, maybe I'm hoping that someone will send me a block of cheese (I like Colby Jack).

If you ARE reading this, and you have any insight into my "Can't Sleep Through the Night-itis", please, please...leave me a comment.  According to my mother, this may be a life or death situation...be a friend...save a life.

Accepted

Have you ever been in a room full of people or even friends...and felt completely all alone?


I have...and often do.  This idea of "acceptance" is an area of my life that has produced some of my fiercest struggles.  Do people REALLY accept me?  Or do they accept the person that THEY think I am?  Growing up, I had to be the best...physical and mental abuse from a certain family member if I didn't meet up to certain expectations pushed me to work harder.  This eventually turned into an obsession to please people.  If I pleased them enough, I was loved and accepted.  If I performed well enough, I was loved and accepted.  If I failed, I was stupid and worthless....unloved and rejected.  Then, at 13, I got saved and gave my life over to God.  However, I still strove to meet a certain level of worthiness.  If I had the right standards...if I did all the right things, then, God would REALLY love me and accept me.  Oh, I realized that He accepted me for salvation but, this was different.  Standards became, to me, somewhat of a measuring stick for my "level" of Christianity.  Truly, they were all about me and how good of a Christian I could become.  Perhaps if I finally reached that certain "level", all of the people I loved and admired spiritually would REALLY accept me.  In college, I often wondered, "Would these people be so accepting of Erica Johnson if they knew the kind of home in which I was raised?"  Many times I even allowed thoughtless or harsh comments about my family to affect my own personal feelings of how well others accepted me.  I even allowed Satan to convince me, at times, that because my family was a certain way, people automatically associated me with certain sinful habits and lifestyles.  "Perhaps" I thought, "If I become exactly what everybody wants me to become, THEN people will REALLY accept me."  So, I tried to be what others wanted...but my deep longing for acceptance only grew.  I soon realized that people weren't accepting ME...they were accepting their idea of me.  Or, only a small piece of who I was.  It made me miserable...angry...and hurt.  Would I EVER measure up?  Would I EVER gain that acceptance for which I so long had craved...acceptance from others?


How patient God was with me.  My broken and hurting heart cried out to God for answers.  His response pierced my soul.  It shattered the ideas that I had for so long made the center of my universe.  He revealed to me that this "need" that I THOUGHT I had for the acceptance of others was, as harsh as it sounds, a form of idolatry.  I was more concerned with how other people perceived me...I was more enamored of MY ability to please others...than I was with God.  He was not the center of my universe.  So I dressed modestly...was it to show how modest of a Christian young lady I was...or was it because that is what pleases HIM?  Did I do it out of a passionate love and overwhelming desire to follow HIS wishes?  Or did I do it because I wanted to be a good little "Independent Baptist" girl?  I could go on and on about different areas of my life.  What WERE my motives?  Slowly, he opened up my wicked, selfish, and pharisaical heart.  He even brought up my past...the areas of violation and rejection that I had endured as a child.  He showed me how these things had also contributed to this horrible form of "Christian" idolatry that I had been practicing.  Unworthiness, shame, and guilt flooded my entire being.  God revealed to me exactly what I was.  He knew all along.  The person that I was trying to be to gain acceptance was merely a fascade to Him.  Then...the response that absolutely rocked my little world, "I know all these things about you...who you are...how you think...who your family is...what you have been through...how sinful and selfish you can REALLY be...and, guess what?  I love you and accept you anyway.  I always have...I always will.  I change not.  I know the thoughts that I have of you...thoughts of peace.  How precious are the thoughts that I think toward you.  You are wonderfully made.  I accept every fiber of your being...isn't that enough for you?"  


Acceptance.  True...pure...and unconditional acceptance can only come from one Person...God.  When Satan comes to get you to doubt...whether it be through a desire to be accepted by friends or even through that desire to be accepted by the opposite gender...remind him of Calvary.  The grace we received at Calvary is proof of His acceptance.  


Now, I walk into that same room...full of all those same people...and when that little pang of loneliness hits, I think of Him.  I'm not alone...He is with me.  Now I can confidently enjoy His people and try to be a blessing to THEM instead of needing THEM to accept me.  Such a freedom. 


I'm accepted.